Read & Write Comedy Stories

Some call me crazy. And honestly? I don’t blame them.
Some call be cranky, a bad-tempered bat with a barrel-load of spite kept inside the boundaries of my heart. That is, if they thought I had one. Some would argue that I’m more aloof rather than mean—when they kiss my cheeks with warmth from their lips, they freeze from the unbearable

cold.
Others, they call be spiteful. A slut. A player who moves on from boy to boy.
But that’s not who I am. At least, not entirely.
I’m Maddie Johnson. Contrary to popular beliefs, I do have a heart, with which I will spin the golden straw for this story. What I am about to tell you will be unlike any other story you’ve known.
...

"I know you..." she says approaching the man sitting on one of the stools along the pub counter.
"You're wrong, we don't know each other...," he blurts out.
"I've seen you here other times..."
"That may be, but I've never seen you, okay?". He nudges her slightly as she's leaning into him, looking at him with eyes squeezed shut like a myopic's.
Somewhat

off balance, she passes her arms across her body, striking an awkward pose, as she says in a slurred voice affected by high alcohol intake.
"My name is Barbara, but you can call me Barbie, you know, like the doll..." She winks at him.
"You don't even look like a Barbie..." he thinks and lets out a giggle.
He tries to ignore her and sips his drink, but she ...

“I don’t know what I did, but I’m pretty sure I was a part of the end of the world. Or not the end of the world, that’s pretty dramatic, but whatever you’d call…”, he waved his hand around vaguely, “this.”
“...Somebody thinks they’re important. Word to the wise, I don’t think that’s the kind of thing that’s going to get you a

free meal or a roof over your head. I think it’s the kind of thing that gets you a tin-foil hat and a stay at a psychiatric ward. Huh, okay, so what do you know a roof and food. Guess I was wrong. Still that’s putting a lot of faith in other people.”
...

Rose leaned on the railing of the small yacht, serenely watching the shoreline drift closer and closer. Stretching upright she spun and made her way up to the bridge of the ship.
“We are almost at the French border!” Rose exclaimed to her husband Frank who was navigating the vessel.
Frank turned to her with a smile, “Exciting right? Who would have

thought it would take so long for us to get the proper paperwork to travel across the channel.”
“How soon until we arrive?” Rose questioned while bounding over to the large window.
“About a half hour, it shouldn’t take too long to get through customs. So we should be able to find a nice restaurant to eat at tonight.”
“Well I’ll go get ...

Rose leaned on the railing of the small yacht, serenely watching the shoreline drift closer and closer. Stretching upright she spins and makes her way up to the bridge of the ship.
“We are almost at the French border!” Rose exclaims to her husband Frank who is navigating the vessel.
Frank turns to her with a smile, “Exciting right? Who would have

thought it would take so long for us to get the proper paperwork to travel across the channel.”
“How soon until we arrive?” Rose questions while bounding over to the large window.
“About a half hour, it shouldn’t take too long to get through customs. So we should be able to find a nice restaurant to eat at tonight.”
“Well I’ll go get re...

"This is ridiculous." I said as I pulled what looked to be a knife out of my chest. I mean, this really is ridiculous. All of my so-called friends were laughing hysterically. I mean, just because I am immortal doesn't mean you can shove knives in my chest! I've had enough! I am gonna tell them to leave me alone and to stop trying to..."Oh! You guys are real

jerks!" Someone just shot me!

"Oh, don't be mad, man. We are making some really good content here! We already got a few likes."

"How would you guys like it if I stabbed you in the chest or shot you in the back of the head?"

"Uh, dude, we'd be dead and you'd be in jail for the rest of your natural life, which is eternity."

Why did I tell anyone I ...

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Finding herself heartbroken, alone, and filled with questions, a woman ventured out to seek the remaining pieces of her heart, for her once seemingly long-lasting-almost-forever relationship came to an abrupt ending which left her questioning love and what it meant if it gave nothing but heartache in the process. She sought out love where she least would

think to find it, seeing as how she chose locations that were not her comfort zones to begin with. She began in search at a bar which only gave her drunken loves that left her sadder than she had been. Her next spot were raves that left her drained, for an energetic partner was too much for her introverted soul to handle, not to mention the constant loud music ...

If the vast amounts of stories shared through songs and texts of old truly exemplified the nature of tragedy and destiny, one would be forced to conclude that all great adventure begins a cold, dark, stormy night. The severity of the weather, of course, would ominously prophesize the chaos to be unleashed, wrecking the right amount of surrounding structures

to strike any observer with the appropriate amount of apprehension.

A mysterious character would unearth a cryptic prophecy to precisely the WRONG people, leaving the night to invariably end with a terse promise of bloodshed. Cold, frightened, and terribly hopeful, the meek people overhearing their future salvation would silently await their golden hero t...

You are an alien who just landed on Earth. You have no food, no house, no money, and 2 humans looking down on you with a smile. They claim to be your parents but you know that you came from outer-space.

Years passed and you notice that the other aliens are experiencing what you do. Your spaceship is waiting for you to destroy humanity, your parents are

at home watching TV, and your girlfriend is cheating on you. ...

Hello,i am Nina and i am 22 years old.This is my story.
As i am finishing college life, i have to choose what the next chapter of my life is going to be and it has been very uncertain for me,because unlike my other friends i don't know what i want to become. Other's have chosen their paths,but me,so i feel odd....

Ms. West led her to a black van with a sun like the one on her shirt and on the side, it said Laketown treatment center. Ms. West took her bag and placed it in the back seat and gestured for her to get in the passenger side seat.
On the ride to the center, Haper just looked out the window and watched the cars whiz by. They looked like they were going 100

miles a minute. She turns her head and sees that Ms.West keeps glancing at her. She looks and her and says,
“ What?” Ms.West looks at her and smiles,
“ You are going to love the girl that you are sharing a room with, She is super nice and pretty far into treatment so she will be a good person to talk to,” Harper rolled her eyes and looked back out ...

“ I don’t know, I just forget to eat sometimes,” Harper said, still looking at the ceiling. Dr. Matt handed her a paper, the top of the paper said ‘ED DETECTION TEST’. Harper looked at the doctor and laughed a little.
“ Really, an eating disorder test? What do you think I am? The poster tumbled an anorexic girl?” She said,
“ Just fill it

out, please. Oh and please be honest, we are just trying to help and see why you fainted,” Dr. Matt said. Harper looked at him and he held out a pen for her. She looked at the questions and didn’t see anything odd. Yes I count calories, yes I exercise a lot, yes I avoid certain foods. What’s wrong with that? She handed the paperback and he looked over.
...

Harper finds a light flowy lavender wrap dress.
She takes it to the dressing room and locks the door. She slowly pulls down her romper and looks at her boney body. She takes her hands and with the thumb and middle finger she puts them around her thigh. They touch and Harper smiles, she likes this feeling of control.
She picks up the dress and unties it.

She wraps it around her body and ties it. Even when she ties it to the tightest it is still a little big for her. Harper pops her head out the door and calls a worker over.
“ Hi, could you get me an extra small one in this dress?” Harper askes. The man nods his head and walks away. She closes the door and brushes the hair out of her face.
A few minute...

The blinding light shines through the curtains waking Harper up. She rolls over and opens her eyes. She looks around her room and then to her alarm clock. 7: 26am. She rolls back over and lets out a groan. It’s the first week of summer break in early June and Harper is still waking up at her school time. She sits up and pushes the hair out of her

face.
She gets out of bed and walks to the mirror. Harper lifts up her baggy sweatshirt and looks at her stomach. She examines every inch of it then pulls it back down.
“ It’s bigger than yesterday,” she thinks to herself. She pulls it back down and goes to her closet.
“ Ok, I have a girl's day with Olivia and Kayla today than Ben's birthday party at 6.�...