Just be grateful that you came back

"Just be grateful that you came back alive."

That fucking look on his face, a mix of disgust, contempt and smart-ass all rolled together. I had seen that look from others - from countless doctors and nurses at so God-damn many hospitals.

I had no idea what was wrong with me - the occasional onset of feelings of sheer terror, the confusion, the anger, the feeling that I was going to die at any minute. What I did know is that I had become so fucking useless that I couldn't provide for my family - no food, no car, no home...no fucking hope.

So here were, at the office of Social Services, when the woman behind the bullet-proof glass asked, "have you ever been in the military." Before I could utter a word, my heart started to pound, my legs tensed up as if they were preparing to run and my mind is pushing me to blurt out "no shit, it's right there on the forms we've been filling out." But fortunately I only eked out a simple "yes" and I began to feel the dampness of sweat pouring from my

armpits.