Kickoff

Kickoff written by jeezyclub

How mothers can harm their child

A narcissistic mom decided to abuse their own.

You are making me feel guilty for everything that I do, making me feel small, like my feelings don't matter, i am a 19 year old woman. i am mature enough to make my own decisions with thinking of the consequences. you make me feel like a child again, a sad one for that matter. you say that my feelings are dramatic or that i am overreacting but truth is, how you feel about yourself is how you treat me. and you are afraid of revealing your true feelings to me so you make up excuses about my life to justify your actions and why you treat me the way you do. i don’t know what goes on inside your mind but i am sure that you have come to realize that verbally and physically abusing me is wrong. no human deserves to be treated like that. especially those who are unable to walk and have nobody to help them. i became terrified of what you would do next after you grabbed my hair and threw me on the floor. you yanked it and i couldn’t get up. i felt helpless, and you became the devil in my eyes. how
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can someone do something so evil and yet not realize that what they are doing could potentially harm someone mentally, physically, and emotionally even more?
or maybe you know. maybe you know and you willingly took that step and used me as your punching bag. so you could take out your anger on me and create this space for you to lay a hand on me and easily throw me on the ground while my leg is still healing from surgery. i can’t walk, and yet, you know that, and you abuse me, as if i wasn’t physically fucked up already. you throw on more things to say about me, about how i am “acting” when you abuse me. i really feel like forgiving you because i have to. i have to after all of the horrible shit you have done to me and all of the things you have said about me, judging me by my appearance, the way that i am, and the people i surround myself with. it has become difficult for me to even look at you in the eye. i feel neglected and ignored by you. no matter what i say, i am ungrateful and rude
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to you. but it is just a reflection of you, of how you have treated me in past and still continue to treat me, if not worse. i am your reflection. you take on things that are hard for you to grasp. you don’t manage to decide the way that you want to raise me. you choose the hard road. making it difficult for me to peacefully convey my emotions because i am just a movie to you. a tv show. i am an act of a play to you. and while i sit here and think of all the times you have told me that my feelings were invalid, i realized the truth behind the way that you carry yourself. you become superficial, as if the things that are happening to me right now didn’t happen to you. it’s like you never lived them but you did. in this case, i feel like i have lived more than you at 19 than you have ever lived at 40 years old. and that’s what bothers you. the fact that i am not fucking my life up like you did. shouldn’t a mother show compassion towards their child, even if they are adults, they should be
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treated like adults. in this country, what you did to me is, indeed, a crime. i could have easily reported you for domestic abuse. and yet, i didn’t. because i know how bad it can get for people like you. you end up in the mental hospital and you don’t come out as the same person that you were before. maybe that’s a good thing. but then i think of how much my sister needs you. and then i think about my emotional, physical, and mental well-being and i come to the understanding that it is not safe as long as i live here. i feel at danger when i am around you. i feel misjudged and misunderstood. i am old enough to see things for what they are. your past mistakes have been with you since you committed them, you have been carrying them for a very long time. and now, you project them on to me, you create big problems out of things that you are afraid of me. like me, falling in love with a guy that you don’t even know. how can you judge anybody when you have never gotten to know th
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