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Kickoff

Kickoff written by Badassgirl

Non relationship Love. Continue...

A flower that I killed before it bloomed.

     
At some point, I hugged him that day though indirectly, I did not want him to go, yeah he had to go. When he went I felt like I wanted him longer, and I felt ashamed and bad too for my activity. I did not know he was younger than me, 3 years of the age gap. He was a Bachelor student and I a Master student. I was a little bit hesitant about him. But his concern for me melted my heart every time. I don't know what I wanted from him, defintaely not love though. The more I knew him the more closer I got, the more comfortable I was with to share my secrets. I have to stress though, not all secrets. His smell would drive me crazy. When I say this, I feel like I am a dog. Anyways, he started to look more and more good to me everyday. He would always say I don't look that old, and he will always say you are brilliant or perfect. But deep down I knew I was the most imperfect person he has and will ever meet. One day, after my thesis defense I went to his place. Oh Yeah, I forgot to say he brought
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me a gift, and it was a plant, so beautifiul...today even if he is not with me I look at it and I feel I am loved and happy. His every words and actions started melting me. And on that day I kissed him, we hugged and he wanted a little bit more but I was not ready. I had worn a mysterious ineer that he could not open and was shouting help me whole time. I was not ready then. Here everything starts with me not from his side. I started thinking that I am a desperate and needy person. But I was so much happy with him. Next time I went to his place, we made love, but I have to say he had no skills at all. He cooed for me, it was not so good but since he tried for me I ate it. I still remeber how he hugged me when I was unhappy and I did not know the reason. He holded me and said you are not complicated when I asked him I must be so complicated and confusing for him. That day we went for shopping met some guys from my own country and intorduced him just as a friend. At that point I realized
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he wanted to be more than friends, but I did not want to think about it more. We cooked, made love and shared same bed whole night. Since, I am not that good sleeper, I woke him several times. In the morning, he had to go for work, and he was there kissing me, and I realized that was what I wanted but I did not want to let him know. I forced him to leave for work and he left. Next day, I had birthday and all the drama started now. I was in relationship before and with the time I spent with this newly met boy I realized I did not want that kind of relationship I had. And the relationship was not completely broken yet I ignored everything about him in past 7 months. In 7 months staying far from the person with whom I was in relationship, I had gone from being in a commited relationship to finding out I don't want this kind of relationship in my life. I think I got more time to analyze what happend in my past relationship. I wrote this new boy in my life, I wanted to end everything here. He
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did not know why. He thought I took it as just a sexual relationship. But I had no idea. He wrote me you owe me explanation because he shared with you everything he could, his time, his love, his body. Before, he said not a word about being in love or something like that. I was suprised, and wanted to hug him. I could not. It was my birthday and I got drunk and wrote him the truth about my relationship, promises about marrige to other guy and that day was second time I cried and laughed for a guy. I wanted him longer. Next day, he wrote me with laugh emojis, you can choose a life with him or the other guy, but he cannot plan his future and will not promise anything. That pinched me, though I knew the fact, I did not want to listen it. And I said I know this, and therefore I choose to end everything here. I was so much confused. I had to submit my assignments, go to work, classes. I did nothing that day. I wanted to feel happy about myself so did shopping whole day. Continue..
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By Badassgirl

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...e to end everything here. I was so much confused. I had to submit my assignments, go to work, classes. I did nothing that day. I wanted to feel happy about myself so did shopping whole day. Continue..

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