Kickoff written by offcial_miya

My Name Is Worth Knowing

A Story Of Suicide

Every fiber in my body is falling apart, and I’m getting dizzy as the water starts to echo my lungs. I fight for air as thoughts race my unfaithful mind. “Will I make it?” My body starts to freeze and stiffin, and I wonder if I’m anywhere near the surface, but I wasn't. The water was no longer clear. Everything was black and quiet; I started to pray in my head. “God please forgive me for my sins, for I have made many let this time of passing go with ease and let my famil-” I shut down, everything is blank, I think I’m dead.
My alarm goes off and as always I press snooze. Routinely, my mom comes in after my alarm goes off and wakes me up. I call her my second alarm, but her real name is Ashly. I lay in bed and waited for her to come in and wake me up but it felt like it had been over thirty minutes and I was starting to wonder where my second excuse of an alarm clock was. I stand up on the cold bare wooden floor just to sit back down in my bed and put my soft fluffy white slippers on.
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It was oddly cold this morning, My mother always had the heat on. I walk into the kitchen, no breakfast, no orange juice at the table and still no mom. “Where did she go?” I ended up skipping breakfast and heading for the shower I put on really hot water so that I could feel that physical pain that always seems to always block off that painful mental pain. I run my fingers through my thick brown curly hair as all the soap spuds fall down upon my back. As the water runs down my face soap runs with it. I consciously use my hands to pull back all of it. Thinking I got it all I opened my eyes and then started feeling this sharp pain stabbing my eyes. I stumble to the bottom of the shower to find the rag and whip my eyes. I start to cry, “I’m a worthless mess.” I stared at my wrist with cuts going up and down side to side and wondered to myself, “what have I done?” I hear the door to the bathroom open and I answer in shock that nobody knocked, “I’m in here.”
My step dad walked in the bathroom
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all the way and whispered, “Justiic?”
I answered loud and clear, “Yeah it’s me I’m in here.” The shadow of his figure echoed the bathroom wall’s like one of those monsters in the movies, as he walked in front of the shower where my bare nacked body had been. He stared me up and down and for some reason my mouth wasn’t letting me scream the words that I had been begging it to which was to, “Get the hell out!” With all of his clothes on, he walked into the shower with me. It was very tight so I pushed him and turned around. I was embarrassed that he saw me naked, all of everything I wanted to save for the love of my life is now being given to my creepy step dad. I whispered, “please get out.” I could feel his rough warm clothes from the dryer against my naked back.
I could feel his heated breath against my neck as he hugged me then lifted my hair over my mellow brown ears and whispered these ever so petrifying words into them. “You’re with me for two weeks because your mother went on a
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trip for work and won't be back for a while so get used to me sweet cakes.”
Then he kissed my neck and backed off of me and out of the shower. He left the bathroom and as soon as I heard the door shut I again, fell to the floor crying wondering what that man’s next move was. I got up from the floor with the thoughts of “I’m getting out of here” in my head. I put my clothes on and ran to my room. I got my biggest backpack and packed all of my clothes and socks that I thought I would need and then closed it. I was running away, I took a picture of my mom, dad and I and sat on my bed with it. Before my dad passed away he was my best friend. He was the only man that I really trusted. Ever since he passed my mom has had random men come and stay for like a month or so and she would sleep with them so that we could have a roof over our head because her job as a night club dancer wasn’t paying the bill’s completely. She needed the help of a supporting man. Often times I would tell
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