Kickoff written by Youssef EL HILALI

the final chapter

sometimes its hard to face the truth

16th january 2020

to the person that i loved the most ! to the person that i gave myself for him ! to the person that i gave him all i had !
to the person that i kept thinking about him all the day and night long ! to the ,person that i saw him in a different image !
To the person that was ready to gave anything for him ! to the person that i wanted him as a part of my future ! to the person that i gave up everything for him !
My time ! my studies ! my secrets ! my life and finally and the most important thing .. My heart ! to the person that i couldnt stop thinking about even in exams ! even in my grandfather's funeral !
to the ghost that warmed my bed in night when i remembered her smile !

to the person that I kept spending my nights thinking about future plans even that i was not hers ! i guess that i did everything unless impressing you wuth something no one could ever create....
and filling u with all my love

now i keep thinking about the countries we'll
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never visit ! the house we'll never build ! the tears we'll never drop !
the countless memories we'll never make ! what about dreams we'll never realize ! dog we'll never adopt ! bycycle we'll never ride ! **danemaaaaaaaaaaark** we'll never see ! movies we'll never watch ! oceans we'll never see ! i didnt see you as a girlfriend ! i saw you as a wife , i know its stupid to think like that but there is no reason to love someone when you actually dont see him as life partner and someone u can be with him until the day u die in his arms ! since u became jealous i had some of the best days when i knew back then that there is something real between us and u re actually loving me ! but i think you re insecure of showing your true feelings towards me and maybe unsure about them ! until u decided to cut this off when u told me that im doing shit to impress you ! i have to accept that ! because everybody has his own way to act and to be treated ! sorry because i couldnt give you that ! sorry
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because i made u furious and jealous of my acts ! sorry for every behavior that made you sad or angry ! SORRY FOR EVERYTHING ! SORRY FOR FALLING FOR YOU ! SORRY FOR? LOVING YOU ! I CANT DO SHIT ABOUT IT ! you became an important thing in my life like a part of my body ...16th january 2020 12:20 AM And u re asking me now what im writing i actually lied to you by sayhing searching in google .. but im actually writing this while dropping my tears ! 16th january 2020 still pretending that everything is okey while its so fucking painful ! 16th january 2020 and still loving you ! 16th january 2020 ands still asking god to get us together ! 16th january and still dreaming about you every night ! 16th january and still dropping tears for the first human being ever ! 16th january 12:25 AM and sending u this '?' while i want to confess everything to you ! 16th january 2020 and still getting mad and jealous over you ! 16th january and still injuring my hand all the time when i get mad at u
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! 16th january and this ghost is still living in my heart and i think he will never be out ! until until .......................... until the day i day ! i guess a non experienced cold guy will never succed about that

when i first saw u !! i wasnt expecting that for real until u smiled then u got me and u took my heart

you became everything to me ! you became my priority and everybody was a second option to me ! you became like air to me !

i love you ! and i love you so much more than the words can say .......... to this person : Fatima zahrae EZZOUHAIRY


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