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Book written by polucoffeeramblings


Impact of emotional abuse

Chapter 1-Gitanjali
It's unbelievable that two years have passed since it happened. It feels as if I have changed fundamentally. I cannot recognize the person I was before. I still cannot talk to people about what happened and how to feel about it. therapy helps to a large extent but I cannot be open about my feelings. They are so contradictory. I guess there are some thoughts and emotions which are difficult to express. Most of them are related to shame.

My current therapist is really nice. Unlike my previous one she is not very dismissive of my experiences in college. She acknowledged that I had faced sexual harassment from my former professor. In the me too era, sexual harassment has ben acknowledged within college campuses, but the notion still remains heteronormative. It remains as male teacher harassing female students. No one talks about male students harassing female teachers let alone gay, lesbian or bisexual women getting harassed.
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People sometimes do not want to believe that women do harass other women. At least that is what happened with me. the huge problem was I did not understand whether it happened with others as well. Before therapy I tried to search on the internet about experiences of college students being emotionally abused and harassed by their professors. But all I could get was experiences of grooming in schools.

Everyone kept telling me to move on, but how do you move on from something when you do not understand why and how it happened. I do want to let go and never get back into the same situation after all.

My mother said that there are many teachers who behave rudely. I agree that there are teachers who humiliate students for not completing their work in an impossible deadline; I have had them before. this is the first time a teacher had questioned my integrity and loyalty to my friends as I did not flatter her by leaning on her.
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